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Clean in 13!

So I haven’t blogged in almost a year now. Things are relatively the same, but I screwed up in some ways. I don’t know that I can honestly explain what I was going through the past six months, and I don’t regret it, but it did teach me a lesson that I needed to learn. To sum up my past few months, there was a guy who I shouldn’t have seen, but did, a failed research class, and a loss in healthy relationships with my family and faith. It occurred to me that my life isn’t where it should be; I haven’t been a good person, and I don’t like who I am now.

For the record, I never take care of myself. I have always everyone before myself, and that in itself is probably my biggest problem. I don’t take enough time for myself and I really need to. I am learning to be a little selfish- in appropriate ways of course. This is my Clean in 13 initiative (which makes me sound like a drug addict trying to get clean, but hey, it rhymes!) I want to be happy with myself again, though if I really think about it, I’m not sure that I ever really was. I’m starting to eat better, I worked out today, and I’m making more of an effort to keep in touch with loved ones. I’m making more efforts to be eco friendly too, and I think I’m just trying to be a better person all in all. I wanna get to a point of being happy and proud of myself; I want to love myself, because I honestly don’t think that I’ve ever really liked myself.

So this is also part of my Clean in 13 initiative, to blog more. Ideally at least once a week. I want to completely ace this semester and I want stable, healthy relationships. And I guess in some ways I want to be a bit more selfish- but for the better! I’m not sure what this year has in store of course, but I noticed the other morning that I am constantly growing. I question everything, even myself sometimes and not out of doubt, but out of curiosity. I want to better myself and I hope I never reach a standstill where I just stop questioning me and my surroundings. I don’t want to ever grow too comfortable, I wanna be adaptable, yet still know where I stand. Is any of this possible? I certainly hope so. I hope that I will always learn and grow and I pray that I never let anyone be my kryptonite. I am my own worst enemy, and I don’t need anyone else to try to bring me down.  Essentially I  want to see if I can become my own best friend… we’ll have to see!

Clean in 13!


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