Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing
And that scares me. Sometimes I wonder if any of it is worth it at all? School. Work. Socializing. I mean, at the end of the day, what’s the point?
Looking at that, it sounds so depressing. And I’m not, but I guess I’m just a little stressed, even if it is only 3 weeks into the semester. I guess just thinking about what lies ahead within these next few months intimidates me. If someone asked me if I was ready right now, I’d freak out. I know I’m being overly emotional, but I all too frequently get caught up in my own thoughts. The world inside my head is not terribly pretty.
In class we talked about how Catholics can’t really stand to be silent. I don’t do silence. At all. I think because it scares me. Not really, but it gives me too much time to think and when I get too into a conversation, I cry, and I am not a pretty crier. But the more I think about silence, the more I want to invest in it. I think a silent retreat would be interesting. I wonder if I could do it at all. Seriously, sometimes I just need to shut the hell up.
The idea of a silent retreat sounds nice enough for me to call it a night. Maybe I’ll google it and look for one. Hopefully soon. Isn’t it interesting that through my silence, I bet I’ll find my voice?